I believe that communication is not a one-way street, but is about finding a goal together by continuing the ‘tiki-taka’ of conversation. First of all, sincerity means the sincerity of the person who brought up the idea. Authenticity doesn’t satisfy me alone. ‘Know my heart’ is lacking in sincerity. You have to bring out the other person’s determination to be sincere. When my sincerity and your determination unite, our unity is created. In physics, we learn the summation of power, but in communication, we learn the summation of the mind and unity. I believe that the art of consensus starts with questions.
Let’s look at the problem with the ‘why’ question. I want you to think about the actual scene together. This is the story of the inauguration day of the new Doosan baseball team coach Lee Seung-yeop. After the official event, manager Lee moved to the supervisor’s office and is discussing the team situation with the head of the operation team. The door to the director’s office is open, and Doosan’s YouTube channel ‘Bears TV’ is filming.
Captain Kim Jae-hwan is coming. He is also Doosan’s No. 4 hitter. “Sit down,” Lee begins with his season record. Athletes have many problems. And he says: “The power went in.”
This is the director’s reaction at this time. “Why do you need strength?”
What do you guys think? I’m confused whether to put a question mark or an exclamation mark on this director’s words. This scene remains on the Doosan Club’s YouTube channel, so you can also find it.
I showed this scene to several people each. This is a typical example of two people. This is the reaction of a team leader in his 30s at a mid-sized publishing company. “Oh, that’s uncomfortable,” you say. The manager of a broadcasting company in his 40s said, “Um, what is it… ” he says. The team leader expressed his feelings from Kim Jae-hwan’s point of view, and the manager was at a loss, saying, ‘What’s the problem?’ Quite a few fans responded by saying, “Director Lee’s cider remarks.”
I’ll ask again. How do you feel?
First of all, I think the ‘why’ is the problem. This is because the ‘why’ in this scene is not a question expressing pure curiosity, but a nuance of reprimand that the other person can accept. A team leader in his 30s said, “It’s inconvenient. It will be difficult” is the response and explanation. The manager in his 40s is similar to director Lee. “I want to help, I want to find the cause, but what’s the problem?” is the opinion. However, this is only the intention of the speaker. If the listener feels attacked, and this builds up, what will happen to the relationship?
Communication starts with curiosity and curiosity. So, people often think that ‘why’ asking for a reason is a good question that leads to the essence. However, depending on the situation and the relationship between the speaker and the listener, the pure intention in the heart of the speaker may not be conveyed as it is. In Korean baseball, the conversation between a manager and a player takes place in a power relationship called player recruitment, 스포츠토토so it doesn’t work that way just by saying ‘let’s talk comfortably’. Both at school and at work. What about between parents and children?
Many experts who have studied the question advise “don’t use ‘why’” when possible. Because it can sound accusatory. Korean and English are no different. Because when you write ‘why’, listeners can get defensive. Because we have heard numerous reproachful ‘why’s in our lives, in many cases, when we are asked ‘why’, we shrink, make excuses, or even shut up.
When possible, experts ask, “Why?” Or, suggest replacing “why” with the expression “why?” It’s good to take it one step further and ask, “How do I do it?” It can also include the meaning of helping together. It forces listeners to develop their thinking and devise solutions.
Director Lee is a humble person who has had a splendid active career, but has overcome failures by acknowledging failures at times. I support him to change and develop into a new question as a manager, who changed the leg kick according to the situation.
Certified coach Kim Jong-moon Kim Jong-moon, a certified coach of the Korea Coaches Association
, was a reporter for the JoongAng Ilbo and worked as a front desk for the NC Dinos baseball team from 2011 to 2021. At the end of 2018, he took over as the captain of the ‘last-place’ team and led it to the first championship team two years later. He is currently a Korean Coach Association Certified Coach (KAC).